The Observer
Watching from the Seat of Awareness
When meditating, imagine yourself sitting in a movie theater, sinking back into your seat, and watching your thoughts as if they were images on a screen. By becoming a witness and observer in this way, you remain detached from your thoughts. Simply observing instead of participating or reacting prevents you from becoming emotionally entangled in the roller coaster of your thoughts and emotions. You remain in a neutral state.
A Space Between Thoughts and Reactions
In the beginning, you may only observe your thoughts, but over time, you will also start to witness your emotions and reactions to them. Gradually, you will become aware of a space—a beat, if you will—between your thoughts, reactions, and, in turn, your actions. You will notice that you are no longer ruled by your thoughts. Your meditation practice will start to spill into your daily life, and an underlying sense of calm will emerge.
A Shift in How I Respond
For me, my emotions, reactions, and actions are completely different from what they once were. Twenty years ago, my response to hurdles or setbacks often involved hysterical crying and frantic distress. Now, my reaction is the complete opposite. I often respond with a pause or a simple “okay.” If something is truly upsetting—for instance, when my mother had COVID—I experienced deep internal unrest and worry. But I didn’t react frantically or chaotically as I might have a decade ago. When I shared the news with my daughters that their grandmother was sick, I spoke to them in a calm and hopeful tone. I never expected my spiritual practice to transform my emotional life—but it has.
Creating Space Between Ourselves and the Drama
By observing and witnessing, we create distance between ourselves and our emotions and thoughts. This separation allows space between the drama of life and our true being. As the saying goes, we learn that we are not our thoughts; we are not our stories. Through the practice of meditation, we begin to see this clearly. Simply noticing the breath or our thoughts makes us immediately aware of that space.
Noticing with Curiosity
In the mainstream, this is what mindfulness practice is all about. At its root, a Buddhist tradition, Jon Kabat-Zinn teaches us to notice our feelings as they arise. We regard them with curiosity. We find a sense of separation between them and ourselves.
Loosening What’s Been Lodged Within
I’ve had moments in meditation when I was deeply upset about something significant—so much so that the issue felt stuck to me, like a gooey mass I couldn’t separate from my body. These are the deep-rooted issues, the ones often lodged in our unconscious for a lifetime. In the beginning, it’s easier to practice with smaller matters, like a friend not returning a call. We analyze why, go through a mental rigmarole of possibilities, and ultimately feel insecure. But if we watch this process unfold with curiosity and ask ourselves whether it’s true, we often discover that our minds create countless stories.
The Power of Awareness
This awareness is the first step in loosening patterns that have been deeply ingrained in our consciousness. As our awareness expands, more and more can be surrendered and let go. It all begins with the witness—seeing our thoughts, feelings, and patterns as they arise in daily life. Meditation teaches us to live with less reactivity and stress and with an increased presence of inner calm.
